Self Forgiveness

Hi Everyone, How are ya, I'm doing pretty good. One of the most important issues my counselor and I agree on with me is that I need to learn to forgive myself. I have been carrying around a lot of self blame in my baggage since childhood. It went full bloom when my mother had her double stroke. She had been sick the week before and I wanted to call an ambulance, but I spoke with my sister and at the time she did not think it was necessary, but deep down I did, she seemed disorientated and had a little trouble walking. Being a nurse I trusted her judgement and I am sure she called it right, but that little bit of doubt, that voice inside my head, haunted me the whole time I watched her suffer from the effects of the double stroke and still does. I was told there was nothing we could have done to prevent the double stroke, but even then I still believed if I had gotten her to a hospital I could have saved her from that fate. Then my worst fear of all happened, which magnified my guilt, she died when I was not there. Even though I was there that day and I did lay in bed with her and hold her as I whispered in her ear what a beautiful women she was and how happy I was that she was my mother, I still kept insisting I needed to be with her when she took her last breath. To make a long story short, as much as I was there that day to avoid that fear, I could not control fate. I realize now that she must of wanted to be alone when she passed, because she hung on for hours after she should have and until all of her children had left the room. So jump to today, no longer can I hide my feelings from myself that I chose to do so with Alcohol. And thanks to the help of my counselor she reminds me that I did the best I could, I did take good care of her and her suffering was not my fault. I need to let it go and begin working on self forgiveness. If not I will continue to stay in a painful place. So as I am working on this, for many other things I did wrong that may have hurt others and myself as well, I thought I would share some material I have found to help myself in the hope that it helps any of you who have the same issues or baggage. Although it's a process, some days tougher than others, in time we will set ourselves free to fully live life the way we are meant to, and especially the way our loved ones would want us too.
Thank you for visiting my blog,
Love you,
Janet :)

In our journey to inner peace and healing, both guilt and forgiveness of self and others have a profound effect on this process. Guilt is defined as a feeling of culpability especially for imagined offences or from a sense of inadequacy; a self-reproach; and forgiveness as the act of forgiving or the ceasing of feeling resentment against an offender. Guilt and lack of forgiveness of self and others, burdens many people with the heavy weight of inappropriate shame and the destruction of deep-seated resentments. In recent years, much has been written about the destructiveness of repressed emotions and particularly anger and resentment in contributing to life-threatening illnesses.

The belief that feeling emotion means we are weak is a dreadful legacy to burden people with. Teaching people that strength means not feeling or denying our feelings is tantamount to creating illness. Beliefs such as 'big boys don't cry' and 'good girls don't get angry' has resulted in men and women who are unable to get in touch with what they actually feel. Depression is thought to be caused by anger turned inward and is only one of the symptoms of the need to protect ourselves from the scorn associated with expressing feelings. Many other illnesses and particularly the addictions are theorised to be expressions of a deep level of emotional pain.

Why won't we forgive? I believe it starts from our unwillingness to forgive ourselves. We believe that we are undeserving of love, respect, acceptance, appreciation, and the right to live a life where we walk in peace, joy, harmony, and abundance. Somewhere along the line, we started to believe that all the rules and regulations of the society in which we live defined who we were supposed to be. We stopped trusting and believing in our own inherent worth and came to believe that we were 'not good enough.' Messages such as 'you failed' or 'you should' became a litany for us to abuse ourselves with guilt. I call it abuse because it is just as painful when we do it to ourselves as when others do it to us. We became judge and jury and found ourselves guilty of our perceived offences. When the primary caregivers such as parents, teachers, and other societal influences are unable to love themselves unconditionally, this 'learned attitude' is passed on to the next generation as shame in an attempt to control behaviour.

This sense of shame differs from guilt in that guilt is about behaviour. Shame is deeper and more pervasive. It is about your being and feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, being bad and unlovable become the conviction underlying your life. Children grow up believing they are 'not good enough' and become the caregivers for the next generation. And so it goes, on and on. I am not blaming the parents and caregivers here as we parent the way we were parented. My own definition of maturity is that maturity is achieved when we are able to forgive our parents and other significant adults for being human.

What Is Self-forgiveness?

Self-forgiveness is the willingness to believe that you are worthy, that there are no mistakes rather, you are on the planet, or in Earth School (as some people call it) to learn about being human. The opportunities to learn are just that - not mistakes - just opportunities to learn.

Practical Steps to Self-forgiveness

* Examine how you perceived a certain situation and how you can chose to change your perception. Remember that the thoughts we think create the feelings, and it is our perception that creates our interpretations of the situation.

* Accept yourself and your humanness - you are not supposed to be perfect.

* Admit when you make a mistake.

* Remember that everybody is doing the best they can with what they know, and that includes you.

* Let go of past-future thinking, stay in the 'Now.'

* Confront your emotional pain - own your own 'stuff.'

* Appreciate the lessons that have contributed to your growth and made you who you are now.

* Say 'I forgive myself for ____________ (whatever).'

Written by Armen Hareyan on 2006-02-04

History Of The Kabbalah

Hi Everyone, How are ya, Last week I was in Plymouth Ma for an appointment with my counselor. She has me meeting with her once a week now that she knows what was going on with me. I don't mind either, she helps me in so many ways, especially when it comes to learning to accept life on life's terms, don't like that very much!! When I was telling her that Bri loved my Angel Wing Pendant and that I was planning on buying a little girls one for her, she told me about this store that was right in the center of Plymouth Ma that I didn't realize was there. It is called Angels by the Sea. I LOVE it, of course the store has just about everything Angel, but offers other things like Reiki classes and free events with Holistic Practitioners. I was lucky enough to find a little gold Angel Wing Pin that can be used as a Pendant to give Bri too:) I came across a book titled The Angel Bible, and of course I had to have it!! It is definitive guide for teachings of hierarchies, meditations, practical exercises, affirmations and disciplines. I would like to begin sharing some of this book with the History of Kabbalah that is deep rooted in Angel Lore. I became familiar with Kabbalah as most of us have through Madonna, and other celebrities such as Aston Kutcher and his wife Demi Moore. I hope by sharing this it helps anyone of you who are looking to learn more about Angels and different Spiritual practices. I personally am looking forward to learning more about their philosophy as I share it with all of you. As it say's below they offer great tools to use for everyday life. I will get into the tools they teach and the meanings behind them and the tree of life the next time I post about Kabbalah. In today's world I think we can all use as many tools as possible to better ourselves each and every day. One of my tools for the day is going to be a prayer. I have to go to court. I'm scared a little bit, going by myself as always, but when I feel alone and scared I hold onto my Angel Wings for a short time and I think of my Mom and Dad, I know there spirit is with me, more so on days like these, which brings me comfort. We all need to do what we need to do to get through the tough times right? And I'm going to do something that is very hard for me to do, something I have needed to do for a long time, ask for help. So here goes, If you pray today, say a little prayer for me too please:) Now that wasn't as hard as I thought, even though I added it and deleted it a few times LOL! Thank you if you do, it is much appreciated.
Thanks for visiting my blog,
Love ya,
Janet :)

















History of Angels in the Kabbalah

One of the richest sources of Angelic lore is derived from the Jewish mystical tradition know as the Kabbalah. Jewish folklore claims that before God created the world we live in, he taught the Kaballah to the Angels. Adam was the first man to receive these teachings, which were given to him in book form by the Archangel Raziel just as he and Eve were cast out of the Garden of Eden. The teachings of the Kabbalah were suppose to enable Adam and Eve-or at least their descendants-to return once again to paradise (paradise comes from the Hebrew word pardes meaning "orchard"). It is claimed that the book of Raziel or Sepher Raziel was therefore the first Book ever written and was extensive compendium of ancient Hebrew magical lore. The structure of existence as described by Kabbalists shows the desecending logical stages through which God brought the original divine scheme into being. Various spellings can found for the Kabbalah and these correspond with different historical periods and traditions. The expression "Tree of Life" was popularized in the middle ages. Most spiritual traditions have a "creation" story in which a creative power from another realm creates the universe. The Jewish mystical tradition of the Kabbalah is no different: God, the Divine Presence, omnipotent, indefinable and without form, manifests the world from nothing. When God created the world and made what was formless into form, the first idea created light. God then separated the light from the darkness (male/female or yin/yang) and thereby defined polarity (a relation between two opposite attributes or tendencies, ex: good and evil)

According to the Kabbalah, Angels are spiritual powers, frequencies and channels that are used like messengers between the physical and metaphysical worlds. Every angel has his own role. In Kabbalah tradition Angels called “Omdim” (Standers) as opposed to human beings who are known as “Holchim” (Walkers) based on the theory that angels don’t have a way to change their nature whilst men do. We find written in the Zohar - the main written work in Kabbalah tradition - (Kedoshim 16:108),
“.. And there is not even a blade of grass in the ground that does not have a supernal force upon it IN THE UPPER WORLDS. ..”

Ha-Ari explains there are four types or bands of Angels: These are the Four angels that are said to be the secret of upper Merkabah, and they are the root of the four essences of life. Water, Fire, Air, Earth
From those four essences come: Michael, Gabriel, Oriel, Rafael

What is Kabbalah?

Kabbalah predates any religion or theology. It was given to mankind by the Creator, without any prerequisites or preconditions. According to Kabbalistic teachings, the universe operates according to certain supremely powerful principles. By learning to understand and act in accordance with these precepts, we will vastly improve our lives today, and ultimately we will achieve true fulfillment for ourselves and for all humanity. Just as basic physical laws such as gravity and magnetism exist independently of our will and awareness, the spiritual laws of the universe influence our lives every day and every moment. Kabbalah empowers us to understand and live in harmony with these laws -- to use them for the benefit of ourselves and the world.

Kabbalah is much more than an intellectually compelling philosophical system. It is a precise description of the interwoven nature of spiritual and physical reality -- and it is a full complement of powerful, practical methods for attaining worthy goals within that reality. Simply put, Kabbalah gives you the tools you need to achieve happiness, fulfillment, and to bring the Light of the Creator into your life. It is the way to gain the peace and joy you want and deserve at the very core of your being.

Cool picture of the tree of life, don't you think :)