Don't Walk In Front Of Me, I Might Not Follow. Don't Walk Behind Me, I Might Not Lead. Walk Beside Me And Be My Friend.

Reader Question: "I could really relate to your post about choosing your friends and cleaning house. I attempted to do that earlier this year but my friend confronted me and said I changed. How do I deal with people that think I am better than them, or say I have changed just because I want more for myself"

Truth is, if they are still stuck in a motionless state of being, it isn't in their best interest for you to become a better person. You're playing small benefits the attention-craved friend that always has to have the limelight, your depression benefits the insecure friend that never wants to see another happy. - So what happens next? You have to realize that everyone has their run in with reality when they're ready. Ideally, it would be nice for friends to grow and better themselves at the same time, but that isn't always the way it happens. Don't let the emotional blackmail keep you in a situation that isn't healthy or beneficial towards the end goal of total mind, body and emotional wellness. 

For whatever reason we sometimes outgrow friends we thought were there for life. Maybe they were there to show us a reflection of ourselves, maybe they helped us through some bad times. However as we grow, mature, learn, evolve and seek a deeper understanding of ourselves; our needs and our value systems tend to change. You shouldn't feel bad for that. One of the hardest things to do is to detach emotionally, but in order for us to move on without beating ourselves up in the process; it is necessary. - There were many times I kept my "friendships" going because I didn't want to abandon them, but I began to lose myself in the co-dependent relationship. You don't have to wait until they commit a cardinal sin to give you a legitimate reason to walk away; you know you can no longer stay when you begin to resent the friendship, or it leaves you feeling drained.

One thing I wished I would have known a lot earlier in life is that it is ok to move on. We all have a right to act in accordance to our inner guidance system [which in essence never steers us wrong], and we shouldn't allow outside opinions and chatter divert us away from what our core knows is right. Untangle yourself from feelings of guilt, detach from your need to be understood by these old acquaintances and empower yourself with the permission to walk away. 

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What Energy Are You Bringing With You Into The New Year?

 [source]

The jealous friend, the possessive friend, the non-supportive friend, the pot stirring friend [who usually calls you just to gossip], the self absorbed friend that only wants to call you to vent, or brag [it is never about you]; are you bringing them into the New Year with you? The New Year marks a paradigm shift for many of us, and it is a great time to clean house; replacing the people in your life that sustain themselves by sucking the energy out of others.

I was guilty of keeping those people around me for quite some time and it did nothing but drain my energy, and leave me envious of people who had substantial, meaningful friendships. I had become one of those people I hated. A friend collector. Friend collectors are generally people that have about 550,000 friends associates; but no real friends. God, there is a difference.

Friends should never leave you feeling empty, feeling used, or feeling down. Sticking around because of "x" number of years you have been friends isn't a good trade off; considering all that you lose in the process. Energy is just as valuable as time. Like attracts like. It's no coincidence that the depression, unhappiness, and insecurity I felt at various points in my life attracted other people that were no better off than I was at the time. It became a domino effect. A vortex of negativity that manifested in every decision I made, and every new "friend" I gained. One day I asked myself why none of my friends were happy. It was a "circle" of constant drama, that played out like the juiciest episodes of Days of Our Lives. Maybe I attracted those people because of the Laws of Attraction, maybe I befriended them because no positive-minded people would spend more than 5 minutes in the room with me before realizing I was battling some serious issues, and didn't want to be the host in which I could suck their energy. Either way, a change needed to happen. 

Just like that, I cut them off. It was lonely those first few months. No one to talk to on the way home, no one to talk to while I was in line at the grocery store. It was the loneliest, yet best time I could have ever spent with myself. I realized in the end that those friends were distractions from the issues I was running from. After giving myself a number of tune-ups and realigning with my true self, I started to attract people that were a mirror of me. I was better off at that time, which meant that my friends were too.

--

Cleanse your aura around you and you will attract individuals that live off of the vibrations of joy versus the parasitic friends that live by sucking energy. - That positive force-field of friends you create will help you attract more experiences and emotions that are in line with your vibration. Let 2011 be the year you let your light shine, and walk in truth with like minds. 

What energy are you bringing with you into the New Year?

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To Be Yourself In A World That Is Constantly Trying To Make You Something Else Is The Greatest Accomplishment - Ralph Waldo Emmerson

In a world that will seemingly forever pit curves vs. thin, light skin vs. dark skin, relaxed vs. natural, blondes vs. brunettes and black vs white; we must always hold on to our individuality. Staying true to our individual value system fosters a deeper sense of self-confidence that holds more weight than the praise received from trying to fit the mold. 

We must remain separate from thoughts of insecurity, inadequacy, and any fear we may experience; or else we risk the consequence of being consumed by these momentary feelings. We can separate ourselves from these feelings by developing a stronger "center" that always reflects our "true" selves, and remains undisturbed in the face of adversity. - Don't be afraid to be you. Let your love for yourself flow freely; let it feed your soul, let it carry you down the path of conscious freedom. 

To be content with your true self is to live in richness, truth and love. Whether you are dark skinned, light skinned, or completely lacking melanin; you were created in Divine Perfection.

I found these photos {here}, and I was enamored with all of the photos of beautiful black women, so I thought I would share! 

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Once You Have Mastered Time, You Will Understand How True It Is That Most People Overestimate What They Can Accomplish In A Year – And Underestimate What They Can Achieve In A Decade! - Tony Robbins

One of the most popular questions I receive in my in-box is how I am able to balance my life. The truth is that I make lists for everything, and work on a very tight schedule. Everything from the time I wake up, to when I take my daily nap [I need my naps y'all] is mapped out in my daily to-do list. I find that I am less frazzled and able to accomplish a lot more when I have a daily agenda versus the days I just wing it. - Here is a short yet useful list of tips and tricks to help you better manage your time, ensuring that you get more done at the end of the day. 

The key is to work smarter, not harder

Make a list of your day-to-day activities: This can include anything from the exact time you wake up in the morning, to your noon call with your BFF, and even the time you spend surfing the internet. Making a list of your activities will help you delegate your time to tasks that are higher on the priority list, ensuring you are more productive during the day. It will also help give you a clearer picture of how much you are actually able to take on during each day. 

Cut out the fluff: Account for that 30 minutes - hour you may spend on social networking sites, blogs, talking on the phone, watching TV, anything that doesn't directly correlate to a goal. Once you have taken note of these activities, it is time to start prioritizing. 

List all daily tasks in order of importance: This will be the order in which you complete these activities each day! This structure will help you complete pressing tasks in a timely and efficient manner. 

Start each day with a "dreaded task": You will be amazed at how much better you feel after conquering high-priority tasks early on in the day.

Make each task time-specific & work on one task at a time: Some tasks can consume your whole day, so it is important to set time-lines and stick to them. It will help you work better, as you will stay motivated while you breeze through each task. >> For instance, you can set 30 minutes daily for answering emails, 1hr for internet research, 20 minutes for phone calls,  etc.

Invest in a day calendar or other time management tools: Use tools like Google Calendar, iCal, or even an old fashioned day journal to keep track of important appointments, to-do lists, outings, and future events you may need to prepare for. 

Stay away from these productivity killers: 

Multi-tasking: Give your full attention to one task at a time, you are less likely to make errors, and your stress level will be lower while working. Completing one task at a time also makes for better time management as it is easier to delegate feasible time-lines for single projects versus compound tasks.

Disorganization: Disorganization can cripple even your best efforts to stay on track. Make sure you have everything you need to complete your tasks before you begin.

Improper/unclear to-do lists: To-do lists should be as precise as possible so that you can assign feasible time-lines. Instead of saying "work on school project" for one hour, break the project down into sections as follows: 30 minutes for research, and 30 minutes for outlining structure of the paper. Remember to break larger projects down into smaller bite-size pieces for better results.

Other productivity killers:

Procrastination

Surfing the internet while working

Texting while working

Watching TV while working

[photo source]

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Reach High, For Stars Lie Hidden In Your Soul. Dream Deep, For Every Dream Precedes The Goal. - Pamela Vaull Starr

I wanted to thank everyone for leaving their kind footprints in yesterday's post! It has definitely been a long time coming, and while there is a long way to go, I feel reassured that I will get there exactly when I am meant to. 

For all of my fellow artisans, dancers, singers, and dream chasers, the most important thing to remember is to have faith in yourself. I have always wanted a jewelry line, but because I lacked faith in myself, I never attracted the energy I needed to see a project through. I always stopped just short of the finish line because I would rather quit versus being rejected. It was that fear that kept me stagnant for so many years. Believe in yourself, for it is that energy that will carry you when you are too weak to walk.

It felt great being able to overcome a fear and have the support of those around you. Especially people you have never even met. - I have a special giveaway planned for Monday to show my appreciation for making this launch very special to me :-) 

To answer a few questions: 

• I will take the advice given in the comments and model the jewelry so that you can get an idea of the size of the piece, as well as what it looks like on.  
• Many of you mentioned that you didn't mind viewing pictures of new pieces added to the shop. So I will keep that in mind and also post a few pictures here as well as the Tumblr page [www.frankandmyrrh.tumblr.com] <<--Finally fixed my link. 
• I finally added UK shipping!

• I will also check with my supplier this weekend to see if they offer 14K Gold or Sterling Silver clip-on posts - I prefer to use those materials as they last longer and work well with those that have skin sensitivity issues.
  

[photo source]

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The First Step To Finding Your Passion: Reconnect With Yourself & Lower The Emotional Stakes

One of the main reasons we tend to get disappointed when trying to carve out our life path is because the stakes are too high emotionally. We feel as though our happiness, success, and wealth is riding on each venture, and we are hellbent on it leading to our ultimate goal. 

When you find yourself at the crossroads of life, take some time to regain a centered, balanced connection with yourself. This means letting go of your attachment to finding answers at that very moment, and instead, embarking on a spiritual journey of discovery and play. 

To reconnect with ones true self is to shed our pseudo-identity, and end the people-pleasing behavior. We need to tear down our false fronts, so that we can get down to our truest, most honest, child-like selves. You will heal once you confront your fears, imperfections, mistakes, pant size, latent anger, grief, joy and heartbreaks instead of letting them define you. 

Why do I need to get in touch with my inner child? 

As we grow older we tend to let life experiences shape our decisions. We become less spontaneous and more calculated, less playful and more reserved, we exhibit less passion and exude more of an automatic, slightly robotic state of being. We are afraid of risks. It is through getting in touch with our inner child that we can begin to take risks, and make the necessary mistakes in order to truly evolve into the person we are meant to be.

In order to reconnect with self, you must discover and commit to living by your values:

A simple way to discover your values is to ask questions about important aspects of your life. Often when we feel our values are compromised or disregarded, we feel disconnected from our clear, true self. It is that feeling of disconnection that breeds a feeling of suppression, a lack of inner direction, and insecurity.  

Writing Activity:

In a journal or simple notepad, answer the questions below to the best of your ability. Once you have answered all questions, you must then make a conscious effort to start living according to your values. This means getting comfortable with saying no to others. For those that have an exceptionally hard time saying no, you can still decline; yet offer an alternative solution that is still within your boundaries.

• Am I true to myself, or do I try to please others as a mother, employee, sister, wife, friend, girlfriend, fiance, student, etc?
• How do I compromise myself when playing out various roles? 
• Take yourself back to one of the happiest moments in your life. What values were being honored at that time?  
• How do I censor myself in everyday life? 
• What do I want to contribute to this world?
• What do I want to receive in return? 
• What makes me feel fulfilled? 

Purpose:

To discover your core needs. In discovering these needs, you will create stability, self-fulfillment, security, self-confidence, and build character; while setting healthy boundaries for those around you.

Discovery Task: 

Pick one of your favorite hobbies. Engage in this hobby once a week [for at least one month] for about an hour. 

Optional: You can make a list of your favorite hobbies and decide to do one hobby a week for a month. 

Ideas:

Reading books at your favorite book store

Photography

Doing a weekly manicure or pedicure

Gardening

Trying new recipes weekly

Biking 

Scrapbooking

Working on a family tree
 

Purpose: 

To create a healthy diversion with low emotional stakes. To learn how to engage in an activity without expecting a monetary reward or the praise of others. Engaging in an activity you find enjoyable is also a form of active meditation. Active meditation means that you are completely involved in your current activity, yet your mind is capable of recalling inspiration subconsciously. 

Participating in a Discovery Task will also help you reconnect with your inner child-like spirit. In reconnecting with that energy, you will learn how to embrace basic fundamentals like creativity, self-understanding, curiosity, invention, and imagination; which you can later infuse into other aspects of your life. 

Discovery tasks can also help foster creative energy and talents we sometimes tend to abandon as we grow older. Starting this blog was a discovery task for me. It has been a major outlet, while teaching me a lot about myself, and opening up a world of possibilities I never knew existed. Never underestimate the power of play. 

Until next week my friends :-)

[photo source]

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Without Passion Man Is A Mere Latent Force And Possibility, Like The Flint Which Awaits The Shock Of The Iron Before It Can Give Forth Its Spark - Henri Frederic Amiel

How much intensity can you put towards life if there is no passion behind it?

If you asked me ten years ago what I wanted to do with my life; I wouldn't be able to express my passion with much conviction. Yes there were things I loved to do, yes I had interests, but I could never see those things as my passion or calling. These days we are looking for instant gratification anywhere we can get it. We want our food cooked in less than 30 minutes, we want to lose weight as fast as possible, and we want an answer to our existence immediately; which often leads to us settling for less than we deserve because we just don't want to "be". 

Taking the time to let the universe organically steer you towards your passion would mean you would have to let go of "titles". Often we live, date, marry and die by our title. Saying you're an aspiring actress, student, writer, or model sounds better than "I'm still figuring it out" to most people. So we live in a state of keeping up appearances, and seeking instant gratification instead of staying true to ourselves. 

 

One day I woke up and decided I was tired of faking myself out. I had to ask myself if being a Psychiatrist [I was a psych major] was a passion of mine, or if I succumbed to my own fear that I wouldn't amount to anything if I hadn't figured out my life by a certain age. Who determines the age threshold for having it all figured out anyway? - That fateful day I decided I wanted to do something with my life that ignited a fire from within, versus a job that gave "great pay and good benefits". I didn't care if it didn't have a fancy title, didn't care if it didn't pay 6 figures and most importantly, I didn't care what others thought. It was on that day that I understood that passion is the driving force for longevity. 

Passion will ensure that your path towards living your dream remains illuminated even in times of adversity and self-doubt. 

The next few weeks I will dedicate a series of posts geared towards finding and claiming your passion. Get your notebooks and pens ready and lets all take this journey together. - Before we begin however, there are a few things you must let go of in order to dig deep inside yourself and be ok with what you discover. 

You will first need to let go of your attachment to time. Worrying about when you have your epiphany will only cause anxiety and may force you to act out of desperation if you feel "time is running out". Instead, believe that the time you spend during this introspective period is an important part of personal growth and you will be rewarded with a solid mind and indispensable tools like patience, diligence and perseverance.

Be passionate about what makes you happy, not the amount of zeros on your check stub. For this you will need to let go of thinking a certain dollar amount will buy you happiness. What this means is that you should pursue your passion based on how fulfilling it is, not based on the salary or perks. Do not block your blessings by placing unnecessary restrictions on what you will or will not do. The power of passion coupled with positive thoughts and most importantly action, will cause a paradigm shift in your life. This means that if you're intentions are true and your mind is focused, the universe will supply you with everything you need in abundance. Walk in faith, and trust the most high on this one.

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Let go of your ego. So your friends are all college graduates, your brother is in grad school, and your boyfriend just passed the bar. Your ego may want you to keep up. Your ego doesn't want to be left behind. Your ego wants bragging rights too. Understand that those are their paths and yours may be uniquely different. Never follow someone else's blueprint as each person has their own purpose in life. Allow yourself to detach from the opinions of others while you take the journey through self exploration. 


I found these beautiful images on weheartit - I picked them for the post to show just how beautiful different paths can be. Each path is uniquely different yet beautiful in it's own right like you and me.

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Inward Calm Cannot Be Maintained Unless Physical Strength Is Constantly And Intelligently Replenished - Buddha

 One of my very special places off of Pacific Coast Highway

Lately I've been receiving quite a few emails from readers wanting to know exactly how to meditate. In this post, I will share with you my meditation method:

Find your peaceful place: This can be anywhere you feel comfortable. I like meditating outside so I either go to the top of my favorite trail, or my favorite beach. These pictures are from one of my most recent meditation sessions this past Monday. I find this beach very peaceful and serene.- 

Try to stray away from areas with numerous distractions; turn off your tv, silence your cell phone and if you decide to play music, ambient music is best. 

 I like to sit on these rocks and listen to the water reach the shore

Meditate With A Positive Purpose: The purpose of meditating for me is to maintain a clear and open mind, as well as express gratitude for the gifts of the day. Try to keep your meditation sessions positive by focusing on blessings and gratitude versus pleading for an end to negative situations. If you focus on positivity and acknowledging your many blessings, it will lift your vibrations and a stream of goodness will continue to flow into your life-space. 

Remove any expectations for immediate results, as it takes time to free the conditioned mind. Meditation can be likened to exercise; the more you practice, the stronger your psyche will become.  

Get Comfortable: I recommend investing in a Yoga mat, comfortable clothes [I wear yoga pants and a sports-bra], and a seat cushion [unless you use a chair], as you want to be as comfortable as possible during your sessions. 

This little guy was ready for his close-up

Breathing Technique: This is very helpful for those that are new to meditating. While sitting in a comfortable upright position, close your eyes and breathe in and out through your nostrils. Focus all of your energy on how relaxed your body feels and how lucid your mind is as you inhale and exhale. Don't worry about trying to control the rhythm of your breathing, breathe in and out at your normal pace.  

If you find that your mind has wandered, focus it again on the sensation of your breath as it travels through your body. The key is to eliminate mental chatter so that your mind is in a clear, relaxed, yet alert state. The end goal should be a deeper sense of mental awareness. 

Don't Time Yourself: As you begin to experiment with meditating, don't feel pressured to meditate for a certain period of time. Setting an alarm may serve as a distraction, as your mind may anticipate the moment the alarm goes off. Meditate for as long as you can in the beginning, and the more you learn to eliminate your distractions the better suited you will be when you decide to time your sessions. 

If you meditate inside your home, here are a few things you can do to create a mood that will aid in the relaxation process:

Burn Scented Candles: Turn off all the lights, and burn a few scented candles. Candles can represent the flame that resides within you. Choose candles with scents like Lavender or Sandalwood as they are conducive to a calm and meditative state. 

Invest In A Small Fountain: The sound of water can lend calming and soothing properties to the soul. Instead of focusing on your breathing, you can instead choose to focus on the sound of the water.

Meditation CD's: These are a few CD's I started out with, I find myself reaching out to them on days my mind is particularly cloudy.

- The Soul Of Healing Meditation - Deepak Chopra [a personal fave]

- Guided Meditations For Calmness, Awareness, And Love

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Our Greatest Glory Is Not In Never Falling, But In Rising Every Time We Fall - Confucious

I really dig this pic, and her cut [source]

The moment the slave resolves that he will no longer be a slave, his fetters fall. He frees himself and shows the way to others. Freedom and slavery are mental states.- Mahatma Gandhi

I haven't always been the person you see on this blog [and I have a long way to get to the person I want to become]. The truth is, there were many low points in my life where I felt like I was sentenced to an eternity of missed chances, and misfortunes. I was so unhappy with decisions I made in my life and the hurt others caused me, that I could never move forward because I couldn't forgive myself or them. I was ashamed of what my life had become and felt like I could never turn it around. I scoffed when people said "it's never too late", as I felt if they looked at my life they would change their giddy tune. In hindsight, the beauty is that all of my experiences have shaped the person I have become today. 

Forgiveness is liberating. Whether you forgive yourself, or forgive others for causing you pain, you must forgive in order to move on to the next phase of your life. Holding on to pain and resentment only causes inner conflict which breeds a stagnant life-space. You have a choice this very minute to direct the flow of your life, you can steer your life towards peace, happiness, and fulfillment; or you can row your life down the stream of hurt, turmoil, and resentment. Trust, I have lived in the latter for quite some time and it is no fun.

When life gets you down, you have to keep pushing. When people let you down, you have to keep smiling. You cannot allow the normal flow of life to break your spirits. For life is a constant flow of experiences; some good, some bad.  Find solace in knowing that wounds always heal, emotions subside, and clarity will most certainly resume. 

How did I manage to overcome such pain? I was tired of fighting myself. Self inflicted wounds cut much deeper than those inflicted by others. I began to meditate, exercise, and live again. Instead of being a recluse in the confines of my "sanctuary" [it was anything but], I began to get out and interact. The more I focused on things other than my "misfortunes" the more fortunate I became. I'm still in the same tax bracket, live in the same apartment, drive the same car, and have the same amount of bills every month. The only change that happened was the rewiring of my mindset. I became less dependent on my external environment, and more focused on finding happiness within. This is why I always talk about the power of positive thought; choose your thoughts wisely. What you think, you will become. 

Here are a few things I do to relieve stress and maintain continuity with my most positive self:

Meditate Twice Daily: I like to do this during sunrise, as it signifies rebirth and rejuvenation. Meditating first thing in the morning gives me the ability to start my morning off with a sense of calmness and mental clarity, it also helps ready my mind and heart to receive all the gifts the universe has to offer. 

Meditating during sunset signifies my gratitude for the gifts of the day, as well as letting go of any stressful situations; I let my stress and anxiety go down with the setting of the sun. I normally meditate on a beautiful quiet hilltop and I position myself so that I am aligned with the sun, as it represents perfect beauty, and the constant flow of nature.

Exercise w/music: I take at least a 30 minute run to relieve stress. As it takes about 20-30 minutes for your body to release hormones such as epinephrine which helps lower your anxiety/stress levels. 

Read: Here are a few books that I highly recommend. I refer to them when I need an extra boost or positive affirmations.

Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions & Transform Your Life

The Life Organizer: A Woman's Guide To A Mindful Year

The How of Happiness: How To Get The Life You Want

 

 

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Reclaim That Positive Energy Pt 3 - Work Smarter Not Harder!

 [source] I love her colorful Caftan! 

This is our 3rd and final installment on how to Reclaim Positive Energy. If you haven't checked out the first two, you can find Part 1 here [How To Reclaim Your Positive Energy - Part 1], and Part 2 here [Reclaim That Positive Energy Part 2 - Bring Light & Balance Into Your Life]. 

In today's virtual meeting of the minds, we are going to talk about creating healthy habits which in turn fosters productivity. Creating healthy habits and increasing your productivity level is essential if you are going to quench your insatiable thirst to improve the quality of your life. 

These very simple tactics, have really helped me change a lot of my undesirable habits [like procrastination, very poor work habits], and made more time for me to work on accomplishing the things that mean the most to me [such as fitness, getting more in touch with my spirituality, community outreach, and generating content for my blog]. I am still very much a work in progress, but I can honestly say that without implementing these principles and values I would still feel overwhelmed and unsure of where to start. 

Habits:

Write down the habit you wish to change, and how you wish to change it - Since we are focusing on productivity, try to identify your habits that prohibit your productivity; these can be issues with television, internet, an active social life, procrastination etc.  

Devise a "workaround plan" -  Identify the triggers for these bad habits, then identify your replacement habit. For instance; if stress triggers you to sleep more which takes a toll on your productivity, you can opt to meditate, walk, run, or listen to music when stressed vs sleeping. It's all about identifying triggers to your current habits, and replacing them with more ideal habits. 

Work on ONE habit per 30 days - Don't overwhelm yourself with all of these resolutions. Studies show that the best way to change a habit, is to work on ONE at a time. Ever wonder why most New Years Resolutions fall through the cracks? It's because most people tend to bite off more than they can chew.

Make a commitment to exercise those new habits for a minimum of 30 days - Stay focused, try to complete your new habit repetitively for 30 days without exception. 

A Few Reasons Productivity Is Important:

• You will work more effectively; it will be much easier for you to cut the fluff and dive into the work that creates the most impact!

• You get more work done faster with less angst, energy, and stress!

• Working more efficiently helps prevent fatigue and burnout [don't you feel much more energized about a project when you have accomplished a goal vs looking at an unfinished task that has been staring you in the face for the past two weeks?] 

• Productivity will allow you to have MORE free time! 

• Productivity will push you to become so efficient you can excel in various aspects of your life simultaneously

How to Stay Productive:                                                                                                                            

Get Into Do Not Disturb Mode: If possible, turn off your cell phone, and just say no to Twitter, Facebook, Blogs, Online Magazines etc. while working, as these vices tend to drain productivity. Save the multi-tasking for work-related duties and you will find that you get work done twice as fast. 

Set Daily Goals: Every night before bed, write out a list of simple goals that need to be done by the end of the next day. Setting daily goals helps you to better manage your time, and workload. - Do not add any new goals to your list until the existing goals have been completed. You can also take it a step further and implement sanctions for missed deadlines. You can either dock 10 minutes from your weekly "quiet time", or drop $5 into a jar. 

Find Your Natural Working Rhythm: Are you most productive at night? In the morning? If possible, tailor your workload around your natural working rhythm to ensure you stay motivated, and have optimal levels of energy.

Spend A Reasonable Amount of Time Weekly Doing Nothing: This is your "me time", this isn't time to pick up the kids, cook dinner, do your hair regimen, catch up on your budgeting, or your reading for school. This can be time you mediate, window shop, brunch, spa, or lay around and watch Lifetime Movies [my personal fave]. This time is meant for you to recharge your energy, maintain your sanity, and focus on things other than a "to-do list". - My me time is 30 minutes daily.

If Possible, Work Outside The Home: Confession; when I blog at home, I get nothing done. I normally blog at my local Cafe because it's more conducive to work [there are no tv's, sofa's, beds, I'm less likely to answer my phone etc] - If working outside your home is not a viable option, try a tip I listed in this post and clear your workspace of everything except for what you need to complete the task you're working on. For instance, if you are to get two chapters of reading in for school, you don't need a cpu, blackberry, ipod, etc. A book, pen, pad, sticky notes, and highlighter should suffice. 

30 Minute Self Assessment Sessions: Spend 30 minutes a week assessing your weekly progress, roadblocks, and solution brainstorming. 

Learn How To Say No: There may be times you may have to miss a movie date, or let a call from your BFF go to voicemail. Learn how to be firm with friends, associates, and family without guilt [even if they run the guilt trip on you]. Do not allow anyone to delegate your time!

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Reclaim That Positive Energy Pt 2 - Bring Light & Balance Into Your Life!

 [source]

Good Afternoon Dream Chasers! - As promised, here is the second installment on how to reclaim that positive energy! If you haven't checked out Part 1, you may do so here. Because of the length of this post, I have also decided to do a 3rd installment later on this week, which will focus more on productivity.

As you make your way down the path to energetic balance, you will start to realize the importance of maintaining a positive energy field around you. Look at the people in your life at this very moment. Are they adding to your life in a positive manner, or damaging to your self esteem, and invalidating you as a person? Friendships/relationships can either be warm and nurturing, or energetically draining.

Any relationship [whether platonic or sexual in nature] that isn't conducive to growth and positivity should be released at once. Instead, choose a path of self-healing, conscious joy, and renewal. You will find that as you do this, you will populate your life with more people along the same astral plane, and your relationships will surely be more meaningful, as you will attract healing and harmonious energies.

Cleaning house has definitely been one of the best decisions I have ever made. When I starting house-cleaning a few months ago, my house got empty pretty fast. However it was also more quiet and harmonious. 

How To Break Away From Toxic Relationships:

You must first identify the relationships. Make a list of all of the individuals in your life, and line by line, name by name ask yourself the following questions:

1. Am I holding on to this relationship because I am used to this person? Is this a co-dependent relationship?
2. Can I trust this person with my innermost thoughts? Are they reliable?
3. Do I like the person I become when I am with them? Do I feel like I can be myself?
4. Is the relationship 50/50? Am I receiving the same as I give?
5. Have I done everything necessary to salvage the relationship.

Also be prepared to let go emotionally! Sometimes this can be the hardest part; as feelings of remorse and guilt has a tendency to draw us back into the toxic relationship. Understand that moving on and completely letting go is a process, so find solace in knowing that letting go of toxic energies is one of the healthiest decisions you can make along your path of enlightenment. Will there be a void there? Most certainly, so fill that void with meaningful activities, and/or individuals that exude joy, love and positivity.

Once you have deemed it necessary to let go of the relationship, you need to follow your inner guidance system to determine the best method of letting go. Here are a few methods:

Refrain From Burning Bridges by Making A Gradual Organic Transition:

Opt for short text message/email exchanges in lieu of long phone conversations
Do not initiate contact
Wait a day or so prior to responding to emails/texts
Control your personal availability to others. When they ask you to hang out, express that you are busy. Stand your ground, and tell them you will let them know when you are available.

The above methods are more of a "letting them down easy" approach, in hopes that they get the message. For relationships that are a bit more serious/complicated, a face to face conversation should occur.

Face To Face:  

Have an honest, non-confrontational conversation with this person about why you want to create a healthy distance.

Beware:

Beware of manipulators that may try to use old wounds to gain power and favor over you.
Beware of people with low self worth that will be-friend you because you give them a sense of security and validation.

How To Reclaim That Positive Energy - Part 1

[source]

When our energy isn't aligned, we are in a constant state of inner conflict. It takes work, a lot of persistence and re-wiring to stop the barrage of negative thoughts that enters our psyche on a daily basis. I get questions from readers on how to stay positive especially during trying times in their lives, so I thought I would do a post on it.

Reclaiming your positivity is going to take a bit of multitasking on your part, as you will need to simultaneously change your outer world, while also working on your inner world.

To keep this from being wordier than it already is, I am going to break it up into two parts; This first installment is going to focus on your thought process, and de-cluttering your life, while the second will delve into relationships, and boosting your productivity.

Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world - What does your outer world say about you?

Part 1
Thought Processes  

Organization

Part 2

Relationships

Friendships

Productivity

 Lift your vibration by thinking positive and creating a positive energy field.

Did you know that you create your life experiences by the balance of your thoughts? Happiness, attracts happiness, and negativity attracts negativity. What is the likely-hood that your friend who is always male bashing [men aint sh*t] will fall madly in love and get married? - You must put yourself on a higher vibrational level in order to manifest the things you truly desire.

Understand that with every good deed, every good thought, and every good emotion, you are lifting your vibration, and creating a positive energy field that will reveal a new fulfilling life for you. 

Change the negative thoughts that are the most dominant first! 

As these are usually the thoughts that govern your day-to-day activities. [Some examples: being afraid of change, worrying about what others think, defeatist attitudes]

Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the center of the paper. On one side write down all of your doubts, on the other, write down all the reasons your doubts are invalid. These will become your positive affirmations, you must return to these affirmations whenever your begin to feel doubts about your plan in life.

Here are some ways to replace more specific negative thoughts:

-If you are afraid of change, ask yourself what small step you can make TODAY that will get you closer to the bigger picture.
-If you have a defeatist attitude, you must gain trust back in yourself by following through on goals. Set 4 attainable goals daily, and slowly but surely as you work to focus on follow-through, the trust you lost in yourself will re-emerge.
-If someone close to you shoots down your dream, stop assisting them by participating in negative mental chatter. Negative mental chatter includes; self doubt, reflecting on what made them shoot down your dream etc. Instead, choose to focus on your positive affirmations.

Start a gratitude journal

When you realize how truly blessed you are, you will begin to feel happier each day. These don't have to be eloquent journal entries, simply list the things that you are grateful for each day.

 Control irrational thoughts that lead you to make rash decisions 

If you are having a "moment" take some time to get yourself in healthy state of mind. Never make decisions when you are overcome with emotion, as those tend to be the moments you are looking for instant gratification.
-If possible, give yourself at least 12 hours to reflect on the issue at hand, and make a decision only when you are detached from controlling the outcome.

Spend quiet time alone in one of your favorite places

You can relax, meditate, walk, run, or sit still. I recommend being still. I like to meditate near Runyon Canyon during sunset, it brings about about a sense of rejuvenation, and mental clarity. I mediate at least once daily to purge any discomforts/dissatisfaction. 

Once you are in a positive state of mind, it's time to DE-clutter!

De-clutter! [Workspace]

You will feel a lot better when your workspace is in order, having an organized, clutter-free workspace is conducive to healthy work habits. Try this: Remove everything on your workspace except for the things you absolutely need for (1) month, and see how well you do. Sometimes we don't realize that the things we put in/near/around our workspace to make us feel comfortable, can actually activate the "procrastination gene".

De-clutter! [Home]

Instead of cringing at the overwhelming thought of de-cluttering your house in one round, spend 15 minutes a day organizing, and de-cluttering.

For every new item you bring into your home, you must donate/toss two. 

Place all of the things you "think" you will need at some point in a box, and write a date on it [set the date for a year in the future] if by that time, you haven't utilized the contents of that box, it's time to donate/toss it.

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Creating The Blueprint For Your Dynamic Future!

 I went to one of my favorite cafe's for Crepe's and a self assessment! Crave Cafe on Ventura Blvd is open 24 hours, and provides free Wifi!

Good Morning Dream Chasers! 

Tell me; What is your divine blueprint? What were you put on this earth to do? What comes naturally to you? What is the one thing you feel you must accomplish before you leave this earth?

Now tell me; What work have you done today towards building the foundation of your future? Are you satisfied with the level of effort thus far?

Every four months, I do a self evaluation to determine how well I have stayed true to my vision. I also take the time re-evaluate priorities, re-visit my purpose, and if needed re-work my blueprint. The keys to your future are in part determined by your ability to make a clear road-map, your ability to execute, and how efficient you are when it comes to executing your goals. I used to think that all movement was forward movement, until I realized one day I was just running around in circles.

I've spent the better part of 10 years trying to figure out my life guys, learn from my mistakes and implement some of these tips today!
 
Lets start with the basics:
For these exercises you will need to grab a sheet of paper, and go to a quiet, or comfortable inviting space.  
PURPOSE
To help find your purpose, answer these questions:
1. What are you most passionate about?

2. What activities do you find the most joy in?

3. What is the one thing you feel you couldn't live without doing?

4. Who are your inspirations, and why?

5. What skills are people constantly complimenting you on?

6. What goals in your life are the most meaningful?

7. What do you want to be remembered for?
8. What comes exceptionally easy for you?

Once you have answered these questions, try to find the "common denominators". Do you see any patterns/similarities? Is there a recurring theme? These patterns/similarities are an indicator of your purpose in life. If you are still having issues; try to focus your quest on uncovering your raw, natural abilities, things that come innate to you.

GOALS
Set your goals using the S.M.A.R.T method:
S: Stands for specific; you must be as specific as possible when writing down your list of goals. Focus on why you want to do it, how you want to do it, and when you want to do it.

M: Stands for measurable; you need to find a way to keep track of your goals so that you are able to make any necessary changes to your plans along the way. There needs to be "mini-goals" built in your main goal so that you are able to note milestones, and progress.

A: Stands for attainable; make sure the goal set is truly important to you; whenever a goal is important to you, you remain motivated, and you are able to think of workarounds to bypass potential problems.

R: Stands for realistic; make sure your goals are within reach. However don't confuse setting realistic goals with lowering your expectations. Setting realistic goals helps fuel the momentum and keep the excitement going as you move through your list. Make sure you have all the tools/skills/resources available to achieve your goals, as you are more likely to work hard to achieve them.

T: Stands for time based; make sure to set specific dates for completion of your goals, if specific time frames aren't set, you may feel like you can start at any time.

BE-DO-HAVE
Once you have figured out your purpose, and written down your goals; it's time to practice the BE - DO - HAVE Paradigm. Are you are a Human Doing or a Human Being?

Simply put, you need to BE in harmony first. That is your state of being. I always say that acting in love manifests an abundance of blessings.

Once you've mastered the art of "being" you need to actually DO some work prior to HAVING the true fulfillment you desire!

Human Doings = constantly in a state of "doing/action" which leads to never being satisfied or fulfilled. 
Human Beings = learn to let their state of "being" govern their actions. Being isn't about forcing results, being IS about letting things evolve organically. When you learn to BE, you will notice that you will act in harmony with your true spirit vs being fueled by the need to see "results".

Life Is Partly What We Make It, And Partly What It Is Made By The Friends We Choose - Tennessee Williams

Lo and I managed to catch tickets last minute to check out Foreign Exchange at The Roxy last night, and it was definitely good times! It was a much needed break from the monotony we have been experiencing lately, and it felt amazing to just let our hair down and dance to one of our fav groups. There is nothing better than great live music!

Now more than ever I value the phrase "true friend" - Ever notice that when you make the conscious decision backed with the effort to start LIVING your life; certain friends start to reveal themselves? When I was the insecure Nikole who was confused about her direction, and could barely look people in the eye, I was the ultimate sidekick, the bestie, the BFF. Now that I strive to walk in truth, and have made the decision to get out of my own way, I have found that I have become less appealing to some. At first it stung, as I wanted the unwavering support that I gave others. Then I started to realize that in order for true growth to occur, I must begin to get my house in order, and clean up my surroundings. I now know and have accepted the fact that it is ok to move on; it is ok to organically transition out of a situation that isn't conducive to a healthy lifestyle. Jealousy, greed, and competition are not the components of a healthy friendship.

Once I made the decision to transition out of those unhealthy relationships and interact with those on a much higher vibration, I started to feel much better about myself and about my outlook on my future. It seems as though when you plant yourself in love and support, the universe conspires to send blessings your way, and it manifests into an abundance of joy and wealth. Nothing can be denied to you, if you surround yourself in love.

Wearing:
Top: 25cent Goodwill Top
Pants: Zara
All Jewelry: Forever 21
Watch: Michael Kors